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03 April 2012 @ 03:57 pm
Unrighteous Dominion and Empty Gas Tanks  
We have learned by sad experience that it is the nature and disposition of almost all men, as soon as they get a monster truck, they will immediately begin to drive it everywhere, shouting at strangers.

So now you know what *I* have been doing today.

My FIL, aka my Great White Hunter-in-law, has gotten heartily sick of our Suburban's brokenness. He's paying Dragoon's cousin to fix the tranny and he's lending us his great big horse trailer-towing truck until it's done. We have a firm family policy that all members must be named. 12-year-old Chief named Grandpa's truck Monstro.

I used to be such a bright, sparky, optimistic little thing, but Dragoon has taught me well, and now my passive-aggressive kung-fu is strong. I have learned to sit on my hands and just wait around until someone gets so sick of the whatever in my life they FIX IT THEMSELVES. I'm surrounded by Type-A firstborn control freaks; this is pretty much the only way to deal with them and live.

So, I accepted the loan of the truck. Even though it's so BIG. I don't like driving big cars. The first month we had our Suburban I crept around at 30 mph and prayed tearfully out loud that I wouldn't kill anyone.

Today I've been in a funk, though, so I was feeling a little devil-may-care when I grabbed my pitons and Sherpa and climbed up into Monstro's cab. And then....

muauahahahahahHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAAAA!!!!

I actually rolled down my window and yelled MY TRUCK IS BIGGER THAN YOURS! NIENER NIENER!

and then I CAN SEE YOUR SUBURBAN FROM HERE!

you know, mature stuff like that.

This was the bright spot in my day. My gas tank is empty, see. (cue violin) The last few weeks have been fairly high-pressure. You know how these things go. First kids take turns having some kind of rotovirus, then there are home improvements to be frantically half-finished before company comes.

Company for us was Dragoon's brother, the pro MMA fighter, and his wife and 5 kids. Then, an hour after they left to go back home, I took Dragoon to the airport for a week-long business trip.

Then Dragoon got back just in time for the ward to descend--Elder's Quorum likes to TELL guys to take their wives out, but aren't so keen on, like, backing off enough so that guys have the spot in their schedule to--and now, today.

My metaphorical gas tank is totally empty right now. I don't even have the strength to feel guilty about it. I took care of 11 kids and 3 other adults for a few days, then homeschooled the 6 kids while Dragoon was gone, and now he's gone again fixing the car and I am so DONE.

Checked out. Flown. Done.

There's no use lecturing an empty gas tank, or throwing a conference talk on endurance and self-discipline at it, or nudging it with one bare grubby foot to make it read its scriptures so it'll get up and get back to work. Driving on an empty tank is like trying to drive without oil in your engine. It doesn't matter how mad at myself or how upset at me someone else might get. Today my emotional car is just not gonna run.

And, thank you Murphy's Law, after years of perfect daily hygiene, what happens the one day I'm too depressed to bother showering and putting on clean clothes? Why, of course. That's the day the world beats a path to the door.

I'm telling you. YEARS of dressing up in makeup and skirts to make a stern show of professionalism to myself about the Importance of Home Schooling and Home Making, and can't find a person to talk to to save my life.

Today, in the stained t-shirt and dog-hair hoodie, today's the day I finally meet my neighbors as they bring back my wandering 4-year-old. And it's what I'll be wearing tonight, when I accept my Mother Of The Year award, right after serving my kids congealed ramen and applesauce for supper.

If I spend the day showing my kids LOLcats, that's *like* homeschooling, right?

Wait, isn't this spring break? When all the normal people have some time off? Does that mean I get to have some time off too? I hope so. Since apparently I'm taking time off, whether anybody likes it or not.

So, anyway. My gas tank's empty and my transmission sucked anyway. It's so nice today to borrow someone else's monster truck and roar around town and feeling my smelly hoodie flap in the breeze.
 
 
 
( 2 comments — Leave a comment )
happyorganisthappyorganist on April 4th, 2012 12:23 am (UTC)
I shouldn't 'laugh at you, but I am. I just wanted you to know that, sweetie.
BTW - I identify as Type-A. No wonder we get along so well ;DDD


Kudos. Sounds like you have had a fun week. I've had my kid brought back to me (aka 'wandering 4 year old'). Had family protective services called in fact. That was lots of fun.

I'm gonna kick my feet up and be glad I'm not you (although I've been pretty tired today, too - so I hear ya..). Hope you get a nap real soon.
LOVE the truck story - that is wonderful
=)
libermama on April 4th, 2012 07:09 pm (UTC)
Oh, how I love you! How is it you can always make me smile-- especially when you're miserable. :-(

Maybe this is your "do service for others" project that will make you feel better? :}

I am sending all kinds of good vibes and cyber-brownies your way. And prayers up to Father! I hope you get all kinds of gas (?) in your proverbial tank real soon.

Love, love, love,
RK
( 2 comments — Leave a comment )